What the hell am I doing here?

But the Spider Grandmother did give two rules. To all men, not just Hopis. If you look at them, they cover everything. She said, ‘Don’t go around hurting each other,’ and she said, ‘Try to understand things.’

– Kendrick Fritz, quoted by William Least Heat Moon.

I had a blog before, and I didn’t like it. It bothered me that I cared who read it and what they thought of it. It bothered me that it was by turn shallow, facile, angry, stupid. It wasn’t what I wanted it to be, so I walked away from it. I’ve been tempted to take it offline, but I don’t see any reason to sweep it under the rug. It was what it was. Is. But I’m done with it. I want a new start. So this is it.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with this blog. It’s something I need to do right now. I’m trying to sort some things out. I plan to see as clearly as I can, and be as honest about it as I can. This blog won’t be The Truth, but I mean for it to be the best truth I can see. I hope it’ll be worth reading, but if not, I think it’ll still be worth writing. It seems like a good time for me to do this. This is part of my Buddhist practice, but it’s not meant to be a specifically Buddhist blog. It’s meant to be an attempt to understand things, and a record of it.

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2 Responses to What the hell am I doing here?

  1. I like those two rules. And I think that just about covers it.

    “This blog won’t be The Truth, but I mean for it to be the best truth I can see.” That’s the best kind of blog there is. Should be a good read, then.

  2. I like those two rules, also. Sadly, humans seem pretty poor at keeping them. On the other hand, that doesn’t prevent them from being beautiful.

    Speaking of motivations for blogging, DV8, My therapist, Arun, got me to blogging. He downright nagged me — in session after session — until I caved. His theory was all the writing would increase the connections between my brain cells and thus somehow help me recover from a decade long depression. He refuses to read my blog, though. It turns out he can’t stand blogs.

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